Recently I’ve noticed that there are a string of bizarre horror short films on Amazon Prime. Giving how it’s October, Halloween month, I thought I’d make mini-reviews of them. Short films only, so things like Attack of the Killer Donuts will not be included.
In Bearcano there’s this nature preserve with a bunch of bears near a volcano. Before I get into anything else, the camera-filtering on this was just, straight up beyond terrible. Then there’s this cheap video game looking grizzly on a volcano and the people are panicing over a greenscreen of these events. So apparently there are bears coming out of this volcano, and it’s so bad that the President is informed and bearcanologists are flown onto sight. Also there’s apparently already a Bearcano Specialist Institute, because I’m sure the governmont’s main concern is the unlikely event of a bear-volcano. Then the woman from earlier gets drunk and rants about hating bears or something. Then the world is back to panicing. It doesn’t really make any sense. If you want my advice, don’t waste your time on…whatever exactly this thing is.
Rating: Beyond Trash
This gator-short was made by the same creator of Bearcano and the upcoming Nazi Sharks. It takes place in Florida, where somehow about 45% of weird US-things happen. There’s a poorly animated CGI-hurricane, launching around equally poor animated CGI-aligators in the local suburbia. They also look like cheap video-game characters as well. So there’s this guy dressed in yellow who fights off a gator and ends the short with “Well, that’s Florida”.
Rating: I dunno’
Kung Fu Wizard of Jesus Vs Undead Robot Nazi Werewolves
This clearly no-budget short is the story of The Kung Fu Wizard of Jesus, is sent by God on a mission to fight undead robot Nazi Werewolves on Saturn. He travels to Saturn having an ‘epic’ showdown with the Werewolf overlord. With a name like this, you know you’re not getting premium quality. It was probably just whipped up by some bored guy with nothing else to do on his day off, which is also recognizable since he clearly didn’t take KFWOFJVURNW very seriously.
Taking place in the modern-day world after a long-forgotten project from Nazi-Germany. The plot makes literally 0 sense and there’s no sense of anything else really.
Rating: I dunno’
There really isn’t much at all to say about this one, it’s about a woman, grieving in a laundromat who gets decapitated by a Sockmonster, played by Derek Mears. The sockmonster appears to be a man wearing a blanket, covered in socks. Even though this has five minutes, it does basically nothing with that time, other than use about half of it on the opening credits. Believe me, it’s just as stupid as it sounds. In fact, this applies to everything on this list.
The Thing at 2:37
There’s a skeleton that appears every night at exactly 2:37am. It walks across the neighborhood, just mindining it’s own business. Then a man decides to follow him, which ends in him dropping his phone, that gets run over by a car. So he takes out his camera and records him, eventually ending up at a cave. Then the skeleton is like “I don’t like you fleshy person” and punches him in the face, several times. Then he’s covered in tar or something, and then the skeleton drags him into a cave for reasons, I guess.
Rating: It tried
That was my list of the weirdest short horror films on Amazon. Did I miss any? If so, lemme’ know in the comments below.