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An Honest Review Marvel

Nick Fury: Agent of Shield – An Honest Review

An honest, biased review of the 1998 action flick ‘Nick Fury: Agent of Shield’ starring David Hasselhoff.

Let’s be honest, you probably didn’t even know this existed. The 1998 action film was directed by Ron Hardy and written by David Goyer. It’s the story of Nick Fury ( David Hasselhoff ), a retired superspy called back into action when an old buddy of his is killed.

( David Hasselhoff ) Photo by sebaso_bln

PLOT:

Before anything else, let me state the obvious; why is Nick Fury white? Well, in the original comics he was indeed a white guy. It wasn’t until the mid-2000s that Marvel decided to base Nick Fury of none other than Samuel L. Jackson itself. Long story short, Sam Jackson figured out they based his look on him, approached Marvel and got the part.

( Samuel L. Jackson ) Photo by Sean Reynolds

So, now we can start with the actual story!

Viper ( Sandra Hess ) a HYDRA agent kills an old colleague of Fury, causing him to come out of retirement. Viper plans on infecting Manhatten with a lethal virus. Not that we, the audience ever actually feel those stakes whatsoever. She’s also the daughter of Baron Von Strucker, who you may recognize from Marvel comics and his extreemly brief appearence in Captain America: Civil War.

The weapon’s developer, Arnim Zola ( Peter Haworth ) is still alive, and in Berlin. So Hasselhoff goes to Berlin to find him. Hasselhoff also seems to have some side-affair with an agent or something, it’s not really exciting. You can probably tell that I don’t think overly highly about this film, given how I only extreemly vaguely remember it.

But there’s hope for Manhatten! $1 billion and they’ll let New York live. Which is actually less than $1 thousand bucks a person. I don’t know if this movie is supposed to take place in the 50s or something, but my God that demand is low. At least Dr. Evil had the excuse of being frozen in time for decades. So Hasselhoff gets kissed by Viper, and just like Poison Ivy, it’s a kiss of death. Only the plot needs him to survive, so they give him 24 Hours to Live, and I though that movie was poorly executed. So scientist guy, Gabriel Jones ( Ron Canada ) thinks that he might be able to come up with a cure. Only condition is he has to get a sample of her venom or something.

So afterwards this really turns into a blur. here were some actiony sequences, Viper brings her Father back to life, Hasselhoff is cured, Manhatten gets to live. I don’t really know. And it’s not worth my time to rewatch this either. The End, I guess, I don’t care.

CONCLUSSION:

“David Hasselhoff is the ultimate Nick Fury” – Stan Lee, quoted my second hand copy of the DVD, no, no he wasn’t. Fun fact, this wasn’t Hasselhoff’s only Marvel appearence, he later made a brief cameo as himself in ‘Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2’

Viper felt like her dialogue came straight out of a bad comic book, Nick Fury displayed virtually 0 emotional range. Even after finding out he’ll die in a day, he’s comes off as completely indifferent. Instead giving off his pretend-to-be edgy persona. The rest of the supporting cast were completely forgettable and uninteresting. Fury and his love interest had about the same level of compatability as burnt raisin bread and saw dust.

Believe it or not, this TV movie was actually intended as a pilot for a TV series. Which doesn’t sound that farfetched when you consider that Hasselhoff had completed two major shows back in the 90s ( Baywatch and Knightrider ). The film’s main flaw was it’s lack of story and overall feeling of a trashy 90s action flick. For whatever it was, I’d give this a 3/10, and that’s generous.

-The Screenwriter

All photos used follow this license – https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/deed.en

All photos from Wikimedia Commons – https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Main_Page

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