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Writing Advice

How Not to Write a Screenplay – Award Ceremony

How not to write a screenplay – Award Ceremony Edition.

INT. THEATER – NIGHT

PRESENTOR CHRISTOPHER MOUNTAINIOUS von LIECHTENSTEIN III stands on top of a STAGE ( wooden ) across a horde of several dozen, maybe hundreds but definately less than 50.000, but probably more than 1.000 viewers, eagerly waiting for PRESENTOR CHRISTOPHER MOUNTAINOUS von LIECHTENSTEIN to present the award for the winner of the award, that was elected to win said award by the people who elected him.

CHRISTOPHER

MAN I LIKE JOKING BOUT THAT BALDY WOMAN OVER THERE! REMEMBER ME? CHRISTOPHER MOUNTAINOUS von LIECHTENSTEIN III WHO JOKED ABOUT YOU A FEW YEARS BACK?! THAT’S ME! I’M BACK FOR MORE CHAOS! WILL I WATCH MY MOUTH? NO I WILL NOT! MY JOKES SLAP DAMNIT!

JAMES FRESH ( 50s ) NOMINEE FOR BEST MALE OF THE YEAR 2022 gets up from his custom designed, handcrafted, deluxe, biodegradeable leather seat with gold tassles and mini-bar.

He arrives to the wooden floor and unleashed all his might, all his anger, his willpower, his power to willingly beat and unleash and attack and seek vengeance. He pounces, standing at a perfectly 90┬░angle while his shadow towers over CHRISTOPHER MOUNTAINOUS von LIECHTENSTEIN III like a granite statue of JAMES FRESH, made 12 years ago in the Falkland Islands by a group of ethnically half-Danish-half-Japanese bakers born in Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso.

JAMES FRESH unleashes his anger, slaps Christopher and sits down.

THE END, GO TO SLEEP ALREADY!

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-Screenwriter J

Expect more of these to return in the near future. Potentially with slightly less insanity in the future.

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